I Wish I Didn't Know

I wish I hadn't gotten one of those phone calls yesterday. 

It was far too familiar and I knew what he was going to say before he said it. 

The way he caught his breath before he told me.  

The tired, sad whisper on the other end of the phone...one of my sons telling me that another friend had been killed in Afghanistan.

I wish I didn't know.

 Choking back emotion with disbelief as he began, 

"Ma, I've got some bad news, it's very bad."

 I wish I didn't know.

 I wish I didn't know him, my son's friend.

I wish I didn't know how proud he was of his beautiful wife.

 I wish I didn't know he had a dog named Molly and a life far away from the battlefield.

 I wish I didn't know he loved to fish and laugh with his friends.

I wish I didn't know he had parents who adored him and a sister who will miss him for the rest of her life.

I wish I had been able to compose myself. 

I wish I had been able to tell my son it would all be ok but we've walked this road before and we know that it will not be ok. 

Another precious life lost.

I wish I didn't know.

But, I do know. 

I want you to know, too.

CPT Jason Benjamin Jones